Laughter sounds the same in every language.

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So begins the current posts. Everything I never finished in the past year or so has been so and posted accordingly. I wanted to get all of that done before starting in on posting anything new… Just seemed like the thing to do. All of it is what was in my head, and at some point, I wanted it to be posted here, so… It made sense.

So, it’s 2004. No big surprise, it’s a new year every… year. I didn’t exactly make any New Year’s resolutions. I usually don’t. And the few times I have, I don’t end up following them. I did coincidentally purchase a yoga dvd and a pilates dvd on December 31, and make a general decision to try to do one or both every day… So I suppose you could consider it a New Year’s resolution… An inadvertant one if anything. Which seems fitting. I’m one of very few people I know of who could make an accidental New Year’s resolution. I suppose it gives me a good excuse if I don’t follow through. “I didn’t mean to make it…”

I got hired at Blockbuster a month and a half ago. The manager told me that I needed to get my paperwork done so I could get the orientation done. That was the Friday after Thanksgiving. I’ve been calling them on a weekly basis since then, and either the manager isn’t there, or he still had no idea when the orientation was. So much for working over break and getting the time and a half for working holidays. I’m gathering that I’m not really hired. Or they’re completely stupid. Both of which are distinct possiblities, the latter more likely than the first… And at this point, I’m not sure I want to work there. First of all, I won’t be able to wear my lip ring… Which is probably the case most places. Really, much moreso than that, why on earth would I want to work at such a disorganised place. It’s ridiculous. I’ve essentially given up. The manager said he would call me when he knew when the orientation was. I never heard back. I’m sure I could go in there and find someone who’s been hired and gone through orientation since I was supposedly hired. I honestly don’t even think I could respect him as a manager now. Which doesn’t exactly lend itself to being an employee in a low level, corporation retail job.

Anyway… I dropped an application at the bookstore on campus, which would be ideal. It’s right there and they work around your school schedule… So you could work 3 hours here, 2 hours there, if you wanted to. My cousin offered me a job at the restaurant that he runs. But my school is over an hour away from my house. His restaurant is 45 minutes from my school and same from my house… So it’s a giant triangle from the two places that I already have to be. Not so good. But I figure if nothing else works, I can drive out there on weekends. We’ll see.

School starts in a week and student loan checks will be mailed shortly thereafter. That’ll at least afford me more time to find a job. Hopefully one that I’ll enjoy.

I’m doing better in college at the moment than I have in my entire college career. Literally. I earned two 4.0’s (A’s or 100%’s for those of you using different grading systems), which is something that I’ve definitely never done in college, as well as a 3.67, two 3.33’s, and one 2.33. Music Theory I was the shaky one. I went into the final with a 67% in the class. This meant I had to get an 84%+ on the final to pass the class. In the Music Department at Wayne, anything below a C is not considered passing and must be retaken. I ended up with a C+. Which meant I had to have gotten an 86%+ on the final. I’m amazed. I plan to ask for the test back at the beginning of next semester. That I’ve got to see, hehe. Frame it maybe. Everyone kept saying “Oh, you’ve just got to get an 84%, you’ll be fine,” to which I responded, “I have a 67% in the class, what’s the likelihood of getting an 84% on the final,” to which they responded, “Oh. Yeah.” Heh. Somehow I managed. I’m so geeked. It’s super exciting. I have to finish my voice juries at the beginning of next semester, but I’m not terribly worried about it. They’re doubling as my official audition into the department, as well, which works out great for me. One, I don’t have to sing for them twice, and two, the auditions are _much_ less strenuous and scrutinised than the voice juries themselves. They just want to hear your voice and whether or not you can sing. That will definitely be demonstrated by my jury. So, that worked out well. And that’ll get the audition out of the way, me into the department, and leave me with one less thing to have to remember to take care of.

Either way, I’m beyond excited about how things went. I suppose at some point things fall into place. I didn’t really change what I was doing. Something just seemed right this time.

I suppose that’s how it happens. And I still have all the time in the world. Pretty damn good.

I wonder if I’m the only person in Detroit who still looks when something drives by with a siren on. I’m not sure if that part of growing up in Rural Countryville will ever be adapted out of me. It’s tied in, though, with some inane fear that they’re coming for me and I don’t know it. Not like men-in-white-coats-I’m-nuts kind of coming for me… Like my-house-is-on-fire-and-I’m-not-aware or I’m-seriously-injured-and-having-an-out-of-body-experience kind of coming for me. Strange I guess. Not sure where it came from.

When I was in relationships in high school… or more specifically, the first few serious relationships I was ever in (which were at the beginning of high school), I thought at the time, that those were it. This person, the first person I had ever been in a relationship with would be the person I would marry, the person I would spend the rest of my life with. After a few more times of believing that, it got to a point, where even if I felt like that, I knew from a logical standpoint that whoever he was, he probably wouldn’t be the person I would marry.

Once you graduate from highschool, though, you really are in it for the long haul. Whether or not you admit it, you’re looking for “the one” in everyone you date, because any of them could indeed be that person. (Mind you, my views on “the one” are a breed of their own, but that’s a story for another time. So for the purpose of this, I’m using the phrase, but I’m going to try to refrain from using it much.) But as you go from relationship to relationship, your view on things changes each time. From a change so small, you hardly recognise it having happened, to something so large, that you hardly recognise yourself afterwards. As you change, you think. Think about possiblities, think about questions, things you don’t understand, things you just wonder about…

My trains of thought lately have been on these tangents. I’m not currently in a relationship. But… I’m always thinking about the future in terms of many things, relationships being a recent one. Marriage is a definite possiblity, and though I have no idea when or who, ideas and possiblities of it are floating around in my head all the time…

I have ideas on how some things will definitely be. You can’t ever be expected never to be attracted to another human being again for the rest of your life. It’s that you eventually make a choice to be with one person and to deny the attractions that will come with time. It’s not something that will just happen. It’s a conscious choice. There will probably be a moment at some point where you’ll wonder if you made the right choice, possibly caused by coming across something you think might be better. It’s at that point, that the consiousness of the choice comes in. Many people bail. Divorce is not exactly uncommon. And, true, there is always a chance that what you found could be better. There always might be something better. You never have any way of knowing everyone you’ll ever meet, to sit down with yourself and choose between them the one you believe is the best. It just becomes up to you what you want to do.

At the moment, I don’t feel like I could make that choice. Partially because I’ve not met anyone who is worth the choice, and partially because it’s just not in my schema to make a choice like that yet. And I don’t feel like I could any time soon. For those same reasons. Things change on a daily basis. New opportunities, new people, new loves, new situations. So who knows. Things have definitely come infinitely far from where they started. There is a definite possibility that they’ll go that far again.