When I was in relationships in high school… or more specifically, the first few serious relationships I was ever in (which were at the beginning of high school), I thought at the time, that those were it. This person, the first person I had ever been in a relationship with would be the person I would marry, the person I would spend the rest of my life with. After a few more times of believing that, it got to a point, where even if I felt like that, I knew from a logical standpoint that whoever he was, he probably wouldn’t be the person I would marry.

Once you graduate from highschool, though, you really are in it for the long haul. Whether or not you admit it, you’re looking for “the one” in everyone you date, because any of them could indeed be that person. (Mind you, my views on “the one” are a breed of their own, but that’s a story for another time. So for the purpose of this, I’m using the phrase, but I’m going to try to refrain from using it much.) But as you go from relationship to relationship, your view on things changes each time. From a change so small, you hardly recognise it having happened, to something so large, that you hardly recognise yourself afterwards. As you change, you think. Think about possiblities, think about questions, things you don’t understand, things you just wonder about…

My trains of thought lately have been on these tangents. I’m not currently in a relationship. But… I’m always thinking about the future in terms of many things, relationships being a recent one. Marriage is a definite possiblity, and though I have no idea when or who, ideas and possiblities of it are floating around in my head all the time…

I have ideas on how some things will definitely be. You can’t ever be expected never to be attracted to another human being again for the rest of your life. It’s that you eventually make a choice to be with one person and to deny the attractions that will come with time. It’s not something that will just happen. It’s a conscious choice. There will probably be a moment at some point where you’ll wonder if you made the right choice, possibly caused by coming across something you think might be better. It’s at that point, that the consiousness of the choice comes in. Many people bail. Divorce is not exactly uncommon. And, true, there is always a chance that what you found could be better. There always might be something better. You never have any way of knowing everyone you’ll ever meet, to sit down with yourself and choose between them the one you believe is the best. It just becomes up to you what you want to do.

At the moment, I don’t feel like I could make that choice. Partially because I’ve not met anyone who is worth the choice, and partially because it’s just not in my schema to make a choice like that yet. And I don’t feel like I could any time soon. For those same reasons. Things change on a daily basis. New opportunities, new people, new loves, new situations. So who knows. Things have definitely come infinitely far from where they started. There is a definite possibility that they’ll go that far again.